So if one has identified that a verbally abusive relationship exists with one's spouse, what is the suggested course of action? In trying to make changes to my own past unproductive responses as suggested by my own counselor (expressing my hurt vs. withdrawing, keeping conversation calm and stable vs. escalating/yelling, etc), I've not experienced much change in my spouse's verbal abuse. Expressing boundaries as you suggest is often met by more emotional abuse(says "you're crazy, laughs at expression of feelings). He has expressed his dissatisfaction with our intimacy, and when I am receptive or even initiate I have been met with comments like "you were only did it because it's what I told you I need, but I'm convinced you don't like sex". I understand there may be doubts after years of what have felt to him like rejection, but how can we advance our relationship if verbal abuse continues?
If I had understood these things 30 years ago...I hope it's not too late.
ReplyDeleteSo if one has identified that a verbally abusive relationship exists with one's spouse, what is the suggested course of action? In trying to make changes to my own past unproductive responses as suggested by my own counselor (expressing my hurt vs. withdrawing, keeping conversation calm and stable vs. escalating/yelling, etc), I've not experienced much change in my spouse's verbal abuse. Expressing boundaries as you suggest is often met by more emotional abuse(says "you're crazy, laughs at expression of feelings). He has expressed his dissatisfaction with our intimacy, and when I am receptive or even initiate I have been met with comments like "you were only did it because it's what I told you I need, but I'm convinced you don't like sex". I understand there may be doubts after years of what have felt to him like rejection, but how can we advance our relationship if verbal abuse continues?
ReplyDelete